The Dark Side of me

The Dark Side of me
I sit there alone, not a smile to my bone
My voice a harsh whispered tone.
Slashes on my wrists, arms and hands, my mouth in a bloody grin.
... My whole life like I had committed a terrible sin.
Your voice an annoying buzz, false tone, true lies.
If I could speak, I’d say in an almighty sigh.
“ Stop it with the sympathy and pretending to care,
I can see the real you through the false stare
I don’t want your help, your manners, your good grace,
Just say it, you hate me. I can see it in your face.
You’re wasting my time don’t you see?
Don’t look so surprised, this is the dark side of me”

By Samantha Montrose

Alone in a crowd

A chattering crowd swarms around me, Surrounded by people I sit alone. When people are talking but not to me, Their senseless chatter builds forming a wall of sound slowly combining into a wash of unintelligible noise that isolates and secludes me, I may be packed together in a grid of body’s but I am also alone, locked away in a cell of meaningless sound.

I am alone

Alone in a crowd

Bad mistakes

When your running from your self

From your past

From your failure

You really have to have a hard look

Do you have the strength to change

Or will you just keep hurting your self?

Can you fight it

Is it even worth trying

Masking tears

 

The helper stared hard at his prey

A trouble, worried that could not stay

He stared at it with fearless eyes

And off it ran, howling at the sky

Turning to the just saved friend

He smiled saying “that won’t be back again”

Striding confidently devoid of fears

The mask comes off, out pour the tears

The face shown was just a lie

As curling up he begins to cry

Till once again that mask he dawn’s

That smiling mask, inside forlorn  

Your pain

I have a friend going through tough times. after suffering for years at the hands of a abusive mother she is finaly rid of her. but the effects are still really visable. she keeps hurting her self as she just doesnt feel the pain. she has learned to help and deal with her own problems by her self with out the help of any one. 
please be carefull  

Your pain is my pain

Your used to living with pain, have lived with it all your life.

I am not used to someone having to.

I have lived what you would probably call a protected live

Been cared for by a loving family and if there were problems then

I was usually to blame

That’s why It hurts to see and to know that pain

was and is an everyday occurrence for her  

even to the Point where it stops hurting.

She shouldn’t have to live like that

So I just sit here crying on the inside and talk to her like nothing is wrong

There is not a problem in the world

Even though its killing us both

I miss you.

My dog was put down tonight :(

It was painfull seeing her suffer. her back legs just died on her

so we had to do it. but the suffering still hurt us soo much.

becase she was always a really happy and strong dog.

I hope its ok :(

I Miss you

It kills me to feel your once strong heart beat flutter and fade
Your once strong body unable to move
Your once powerfull limbs unable to function
You will be with us not much longer
I just wish you could be your old self till u leave
... if i could heal you I would
but having to watch is what is worst
seeing the once strong fall is soo painful.


RIP Misty

Flying- falling- breaking

The world is falling apart.

My friends are falling, and I’m the one breathlessly running around trying to catch them all.

They are all cracking, falling to pieces, and I’m the one there with the sticky tape and glue trying to pick up the broken pieces of their shattered lives with fingers held together with duct tape and a soul begging for repair.

I’m only one person, but I am carrying the weight of many on my young shoulders. The lives of many, the ones I love balance dangerously close to tipping.

How much longer can I keep this balancing act up?

How much longer can the glue and tape hold

Before we are end up shattering on the ground?

Emotions

Being grumpy after getting smashed at a game I had never played before.

Being annoyed when asked why I don't like said game after being smashed at the game I had never played before.

Being mad when the asker gets mad that I don't like her favourite game after she has smashed me at the game I had never played before

Being pissed off when the asker storms off after being mad that I don’t like her favourite game after she has smashed me at the game I had never played before

Being worried, stuck in class hoping she doesn’t do anything dangerous.

Being worried  

Memories in the wind

memories drifting like dust

Memories float like dust a flying

Frozen in beams of sunlight in a quiet still room

The happy times drifting lightly slipping sliding far away

The sad ones heavy, filled with tears.

The raw emotions way them down.

Dead they fall from empty air

Falling flakes upon the ground.

As my life blood seeps away

And my spirit starts to fly

Memories lay a scattered round

Body lying still and silent

Lonely on that empty ground

Bloody wrists and broken hearts

I wrote this poem after seeing this image

It about the reasons why someone would want to slash them self’s. I don’t really have any description about why I wrote this but here it is.

As I lie here

Blood pooling

Head spinning

Heart bleeding

Heart breaking

One thought fights its way

To the forefront of my mind

Why?

Why doesn’t she love me?

Why am I not good enough?

Why doesn’t it hurt?

“Why doesn’t it hurt” :

This is the thought going through my head

when it finally processes the blurry shapes   

the muffled voices louder than gunfire barely

reaches my ears.

My heart is slowing

My fission is failing

I’m floating

On a river of blood

On board my bloody

Broken heart

I Hide My Eyes

When I am feeling emotions that I do not like or want to show then I actually cover , or hide my eyes. This can be done by putting my head in my hands or binding my eyes with something such as cloth. This stops others seeing the emotions and makes me feel safer. Its kind of like a hug from a person. It makes you feel like the world isn’t so huge and scary. Not being able to see makes me feel like there bad things out there don’t actually exist and the ones that do can't see my pain. I am also scared of crowds so it makes me feel like the crowds aren’t so big and aren’t all looking at me.

I also broke my rule about never rhyming and this is a example why I don’t do it. I have stuffed up the rhyming pattern. I did write it during a theatre performance so that’s probably the reason for the poor rhyming.

I hope you like it

I Hide My Eyes

I hide my eyes

I can not see

There hidden from

 all those around me.

My hidden eyes

Stop’s the show

Of dark emotions

From deep below

As I stare through blinded eyes

I miss the glances

Of passes by

I hade away from my fears

And bottle up my unshed tears

If I can’t see then neither can they

The feelings that’ve returned

From far away

I fight, trying to hold them back

But fall to my knees and am

Beaten back

Slammed into the wall and lying

Curled into a ball, heart dying

Cut up inside my body lies

Blind eyes stare blankly at

Broken skies

My mind is swamped

 with doubt and lies

and in that haze my

 mind decides

that every face wears

 accusing eyes

so I stay scared, overwhelmed

wishing for a place to call my own

wishing for she I can call mine

unseen tears fall from sightless eyes

 

Mind of a Masochist

I have always been interested in the idea's of sadism and masochism. this poem is my idea of how a masochist whould think. I find it interesting. i have to say: most of my poems are based around some truth but this one Isn't. It is very dark and there is more dark ones coming.

Mind of a masochist  

I scream as I cut again,

Yes!! Ahhh the Punishment, I giggle through my tears.

I deserve this . this pain is the punishment for my crimes. My screams mixed with manic laughter, echo through my brain as the knife drops from my grasp.

The loud clatter it makes as it hits the floor struggles to be heard over the echoing screams still bouncing around my skull.

I stare at it for a moment, just as the echo’s pass then follow it down as the world faids to red.

Its only quick, then I’m on the ground. Vision clearing as I lay there with my heart pounding, head throbbing, blood pouring.

I let out something, a mixture between a sob and a laugh as I fumble around blindly for the knife, hand eventaly connecting with the sliperly blood soaked handle, holding it for strength before I try to rise but pause, waiting to regain strength.

When I’m ready I try again, grabbing a near by wall as I struggle to lift my shaking body on to legs of rubber. I latch onto a table which I use to get me stager into a standing position, I stand there swaying , staggering around trying to stay upright and make a shaky step forwards.

My vision blurs as I stumble, crashing into some unseen object and fall. Vision disappearing. Then there is pain again, greeting me as I fall, fall into the endless oblivion of darkness  

Don't forget to smile : )

Hey peeps
im "smily face" , one of cleftlipkids friends
i wrote this poem because i was bored and one of friends from church was going through a rough time with dipression so i just wrote this poem to help lift there spirits. being a christian also helped so yeh hopfully this will also have n impact on your life.

Here is a little something to read when feeling down
What ever you do Never frown
for some one out there is thinking of you.
You might not know who,
you might not know why,
what ever it is try not to cry.

That last bid didn't make sence
but hey god knows why,
he's looking down at you right now
with love in his heart,
you might not know why
but hey you're loved.

NOW PLEASE STOP THINKING ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE!!!
cause that only leads to more pain.
if your feeling down sing Monty Python,
it might not do much but at least its somethin.

Now remember this when life sucks,

"worse things happened at sea you know"
"Always look on the bright side of life"
and......

DON'T FORGET TO SMILE

Young love and rejection: addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Young love: it’s a good thing, when it works. When it doesn’t it destroys you and when its all you have been hanging on to it hurts so much more. I wrote this while getting over some a person.  It’s the story of some one just me who just can't give up, just can't forget even though he knows its useless. It’s sad poem that I contains broken hearts and shattered hopes.

Addicted to a certain kind of sadness

“Your love will never be mine”

In my head this is crystal clear,

But my heart is still clinging to that sliver of hope.

The hope, the dream you could be mine.

The sadness hurts but the hope hurts more.

But I can’t seem to give up on it.

I am addicted to a certain kind of sadness,

It’s called you

“The quicker you realise, the quicker it healing starts”

But how can you change your feelings for some one?

Especially ones so strong

Yes the sadness hurts

But I can’t bring myself to let go of that tiny bit of hope

That has been keeping me going.

I’m addicted to the pain

I’m addicted to the sadness

I’m addicted to you  

HappySadFacedMaskedOne: for a friend

I decided to write this poem for a friend who was going through a hard time. The idea behind this was she always seemed happy, always care free, it was only when you dug deeper that you discovered it was all a mask. A happy mask that covered a sad face, so thus the name HappySadFacedMaskedOne came around. Later on I realised that the name also applied to me so I took the name on my self. And if u google said name you will get my steam profile ( I am the only one with the name J)

I wrote it to show her that she isn’t alone and that I really appreciate all the help she had given me.

 I succeeded. Here it is

Hidden behind a mask of smiles

Is a face that is hiding tears.

Deep beneath that happy exterior

Is a person going through emotional trauma.

But this person has a way with words.

This loving, caring person

Doesn’t let her pain break her will,

but strengthen her,

teach her, not tear her apart.

She uses her pain to help others in need.

But she can’t always suffer in silence,

No shouldn’t, shouldn’t have to.

But we don’t always get what we want do we?

But there may be method in her madness

A flash of brilliance in a dark time.

Is that light at the end of the tunnel,

Or is it your eyes?

It can be whatever you chose.

Doesn’t it suck to have the one you love not even know you exist?

Well yes but if it helps I know how you feel.

Of you keep on working you will reap the rewards,

The harder you work the sweeter the reward ey?

Well all i can say is stay strong happy sad.

You can get there,

It may seem futile at times but it is never futile.

Never stop trying happy sad one,

You are not alone.

Happy sad masked one

You are not alone

So thankyou because of you neither am I.

  

First Post: Behind a wall of hair.

Hellow folks.
For a first post i thought i might start with a short one.
This one is called behind a wall of hair. it is writen around the idea me wanting to be able to hide behind my hair( i have long curly hair) and go to a different place and be a different person.

Behind a wall of hair is a land of good and evil.
It is a place, a safe haven for happiness, a light house of happiness surrounded by a vast raging sea of tears.
But also a place of darkness. A harbour for fear to stop into on its long lonely voyage on the sea of tears.
A place where the evil is hidden from the unknowing, uncaring world.
When I go there I can do what I want, I can be who I want to be: anyone but who I am, and face the world as a different person from a different view .One that doesn’t carry the burden of my scars, one who doesn’t suffer,
One were the consequences are smaller and emotions hidden
Some where, behind a wall of hair.

It is only short but i think it is direct and to the point.
there will be more coming soon as i get this started

till then

cleft out